Recovery in mental health is a journey as opposed to a destination, which is something I constantly have to remind myself. It's ongoing and something we have to learn to sustain. I'm currently still in the early stages of my recovery, but here are some of the things I am learning along the way.
Here's what recovery looks like for me.
Awareness
Awareness can present itself in many ways, such as observing thoughts instead of being consumed by them, awareness of your behaviours and how they impact others, and the ability to say no. As you gain more confidence in yourself and become more self-aware, you start to be able to say no to things that make you feel uncomfortable, or things you simply just don't want to do. It took me a really long time to realise it's okay to say no. I was used to putting other's needs before my own and putting myself in positions that would be detrimental to me to avoid upsetting others. It's our responsibility to look after ourselves and our mental health so if something is going to get in the way of that we have to say no.
Awareness sometimes means losing friends/family. This sounds scary, but it isn't. The more you start learning how to protect yourself and the more work you do on yourself, the more you can see what isn't good for you, and sometimes this can be the people surrounding you. We often keep unhealthy friends/family in our lives due to the history we share together, the memories, and the comfort that comes from them, but sometimes that person just isn't good for us and as we become more aware we can see these people more clearly.
Stability
Having Bipolar, stability is something I have been craving for a long time. Since my diagnosis, I have been working with my consultant to try and find the right medication and doses for me, and thankfully we're finally there. These past two weeks I have felt okay! To some people, this doesn't seem like much, but for me to be just okay for a prolonged period of time is a huge achievement.
Stability gives us more room to think and it's like a breath of fresh air. It can allow us to be more patient with ourselves and others. Stability can come from taking your medication, setting and following a routine, going to therapy, etc. My stability comes with my medication working correctly and having a lovely evening routine. When we are stable we are able to see things more clearly and able to navigate life a lot easier than when we're depressed.
A sense of control
Whilst I have been feeling okay, I feel more in control of my emotions and actions, which in turn makes me feel calm. Having more time to keep my feelings in check comes from the stability I mentioned before and it helps me on a day to day basis. I feel less agitated and irritable, and my brain feels clearer. I can hold space in my mind to think about projects, seeing friends and family, and looking after myself. A sense of control allows me to think about my life with clarity, which is so wonderful after seeing my life through a fog for a long time.
Recognition
Recognising your progress is so important in recovery. We hang out with ourselves every day so it's hard to see the progress you make as you see it step by step. It's really healthy to take the time to recognise how far you've come. Think about how you used to handle a certain issue, how do you handle it now? What negative thought processes have you broken? Can you identify your triggers? Are you more resilient to them?
Progress can be anything from making your bed every day to overcoming the symptoms of your illness. No step forward is small, or unworthy of your recognition.
Confidence
Confidence is all part and parcel of recovery. Confidence in yourself. Confidence in your abilities and talents. Confidence in your worth. I'm not all the way there with my confidence, but I'm definitely starting to see my worth and what I have to offer. What I can now see is how much I have achieved despite being mentally ill. I've worked, I've maintained my relationships, I still get up out of bed every day, even if it's only to brush my teeth, and I've also created a blog and community that I'm really proud of. Sometimes we have to look at ourselves through other people's eyes, realise how well we're actually doing, and remember that the small steps make the big steps happen!
Down Days
As we all know, recovery is not a straight forward road. We will still have little (and big) blips throughout our recovery, and that is okay! When those hiccups come we have to remember:
They are temporary
They are normal, everybody has down days regardless of mental illnesses
Just because you've had a down day doesn't mean you're back to square one
I really struggle whenever I have a down day because I feel like I've let everybody, including myself, down. I have to remind myself that it's just a bump in the road, not the starting point of my journey. When these down days come, it's all about self-care and reminding yourself it's okay to not be okay!
I'm finally at a point where I feel as though I am actively recovering. I feel like I'm moving forward, but at many points in my journey, some of these things have felt like setbacks. I wanted to share this for anybody who is going through recovery to remind you that it's a marathon, not a race, and sometimes growing feels uncomfortable, but you're growing never the less.
Thank you so much for being here. Please feel free to follow me on Instagram (@_thebword__) or get in touch via the contact form below.
Lots of love,
Tilly x
Rethink Mental Illness
Support and advice for people living with mental illness.
Phone: 0300 5000 927 (Monday to Friday, 9.30 am to 4 pm)
Website: www.rethink.org
Samaritans
Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.
Phone:Â 116 123Â (free 24-hour helpline)
Website: www.samaritans.org.uk